Good Tuesday afternoon world... Did I mention that I hate tuesdays? hahaha... I'm waiting for my lab sessions later on at 2pm... Two 2 hour sessions... YUCKS. Luckily I have a new CD to listen to... I just burnt this CD full of dashboard confessional songs and other assorted emo songs... :P

Have been thinking alot yesterday and today... Don't get me wrong... I'm rejoicing that God has a great plan for me. I can't wait to serve Him. But somehow there's this thought about her. Am I supposed to move on without her? How come God is so clear about what He wants me to do for Him but so silent about her? Does this mean we won't get back together? Yesterday at the airport I was reminded of the first time we went there together. Actually, I went there to meet Jocelyn, Dennis as well as her. We weren't together at the time. But I remember the excitement of seeing her. (Actually I was looking for her for almost an hour I think... She didn't have a handphone then.) I remember her straight forward attitude. I remember she liked my poems, especially the pointless one. I remember forgetting myself when I was with her. Things didn't matter when I was with her. It didn't matter how I looked or how I behaved. She could see inside.

Or so I thought. I guess over the two years, I found that I couldn't handle a relationship. I began to place her above God. She was my god. How I loved her... How I treasured her. I always wanted her to be happy. There came a time where she started to learn more about God. She would ask me things about God and I wouldn't be able to answer. I always knew the basics about Christianity, but ask me to prove it and I would flounder most of the time. I didn't know how to prove it. It was just the way I was brought up. Anyway, I could see she was hungering for more of God... I didn't have that same hunger. I wasn't that interested.

There came a point where she began to question our relationship. Were we glorifying God in what we did? Were we an example to others? So many questions that I didn't want to answer. I just wanted to love her. I think I frustrated her because I couldn't care about God as much as she did. So now here I am... I'm getting back to God. BUT NOT FOR HER. Please don't make that mistake. I'm love God. He's got my attention.(yet again.) I don't want to go through something worse without Him. I hope she doesn't lose the hunger.

I'll just put what I think down here. What I want is to be the best I can be for God and follow God's will. I want her to do the same as well... Then hopefully our paths will cross again. And we can serve God together. Sounds strangely like a fairy tale doesn't it? But He is the God of impossible isn't He? Then again its His plan not mine.

::: Verse of The Day :::
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me"
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." |John 14:1 & 27|